Entry II: Psych Ward
I might not remember some parts or some parts are private rn
I been gone for 12 days so uhh, heres an explanation. i was at the psych ward after overdosing due to extreme distress, i took around 8 pills in total that would fucking kill me. i didnt know until i researched and i start sobbing. i told my lola (grandma) and she told my mom and we went to the hospital. they checked if im doing okay, my mom brought my two comfort plushies i always carry around when we go out.. their names are pinkie and pandie.
the next morning the nurse woke me up and she helps me get up from the bed and i laid down on the stretcher and they transfer me to an ambulance.. my mom was beside and scrolling down her phone while i was sleepy as fuck and holding my two plushies like they are the only ones i had.. it was a experience for me, it felt like a start of a psychological horror game.
we arrived at the psych ward and was scary. I laid there looking confused and realized my mom isn't with me. i got up, feeling dirty and began to walk around and stand by the nurses office. wanting answers.. it was the first day of being in the psych ward and i have to share a room with 3 other patients here.. i sat there in the bed, alone and dissociating. before i snap out of it and stood up to take a bath. the nurses where kind and sweet to give me pink patient uniform..
i spend on my time on the psych ward, walking around, drawing, making bracelets, coloring.. it was boring but at least I'm not doom scrolling on my devices or whatever, i cant use my phone cause this is a government funded facility, i would be visited by my parents and my lola. they brought food for me to eat.. the hospital food was shit and i hate it but its healthy i guess..
i was met with the doctor, he asked me questions if i felt safe in my own home, if i was abused sexually, physically or mentally.. etc. i tried my best to answer every single one.. using my last 1 braincell.. I am desperate to know what is wrong with me and if i had any sort of disorders, disabilities, trauma, etc. if i can remember, the doctor said i been showing signs of Depersonalization/Derealization or idk.. i also told him about the identity issues, self image issues, the voices on my head, the many personalities and identities that i have.. I refuse to self-diagnose and wanted confirmation from him. i explained to the unsupervised internet access at the age of 7-10 years old, the memory problems, the confusion. i cant remember so yeah..
I got confirmation that i was physically, mentally abused and emotionally neglected.. and its a possibility i have DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder) but i think its not the case, i refuse to believe thats true because if i had did, i would have so much trauma thrown to me like im some OC of an 13-15 year old NEET on the internet.. plus, i believe my parents loved me and all those things they did are because they are tired and stressed. my lola yells at me but she loves me. im being a spoiled brat. i have a roof over my head, food on the table, all the things i wanted. why am i like this? i dont have trauma, im being sensitive and emotional.
so yeah, thats all. im doing okay, i was gone for 12 days and lad has been spamming my DMs on discord if im okay.. my online friends and pookiemoots are also worried and im happy they are.. and if your reading this guys, i see you (𓁹 𓁹) anyways, lad made theses while i was gone and i think its funny as fuck and i love it so much.
THERES EVEN A MISSING POSTER OF ME IM CRACKING THE FUCK UP
im glad they are worried.. so, in conclusion, I Lived and its a miracle i managed to survive that shit. this sounds fake but its true. cause my body is some like immune or idk..